My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
