Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
