My cat gives me a boner
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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