just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
