she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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