I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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