omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize