happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
