Ambien. No doubt about it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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