I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
