party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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