I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize