Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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