eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
