My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
