It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
