I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize