Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
