after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
