we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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