quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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