Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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