dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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