Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
