You really coming over, don't trick.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize