so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
