Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
