I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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