my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
