Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
