yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
