Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize