just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
