i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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