I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
