you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
