My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
