He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
