matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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