so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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