the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
