I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
