Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
