Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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