Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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