on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
