can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize