i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
