I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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