dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
