If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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