Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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