Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
