i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
