i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
