Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
