just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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