It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
