guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
