you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
