I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
