you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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