i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he shaved USA in his pubs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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