I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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