i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
3 2 1 whiskey
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
