I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
