Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
