Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
