I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dont even know how to be here
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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