is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Holy sore nipples Batman
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
