their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
