; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
