he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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