stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
