So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize