booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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