my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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