remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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