Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize